How Do You Know Who Your True Friends Are?

[Lynne Kenney]

Yesterday, I was talking with our ten year old about the meaning of true friendship. Which really got me thinking and feeling a lot of gratitude.

One of my best friends moved to Colorado this week and I chose to say "so-long" via phone 'cause I saw no need to to goober all over her in person. We'd been mourning for several months. We'll visit her and we agreed to debrief monthly via phone but it won't be the same as playing tennis with her and howling about our life experiences in person.

I took inventory with my daughter of all my close friends over the years and counted quite a collection of kind, caring women, with whom I still meet, email or call. It was hard at first to describe a true friend and really easy by the end of our discussion. What about you all, how do you define a true friend?

[Cara]

True friendship, to me, is only proven through the test of time.

I've had several friends over the years (I'm not really one to make many friends easily), and they've all been wonderful. But I believe that there are just reasons sometimes that we are led to drift apart.

My best friends live in Colorado right now. Now, we only lived close by for a small year (and one, I've actually never met in person), but the things we have in common (and don't), keep us pulled together through distance and years without seeing each other. The loyalty, trust, laughs, tears and prayers keep us connected no matter what.

Being able to share all of life's experiences through thick and thin, and love them as they are (and they you).

I guess you're right, it's a bit hard to put an exact description on true friendship, and I probably started rambling, but that is how it is portrayed in my eyes.

[Meg Hansen]

My father use to tell me if you have one friend your whole life, you will be blessed. I have gone the gamut w/some friendships. Some people leave and then come back. But I think there is that ONE friend that I just want. That will always be there and "gets" me.

A lot of my friendships changed and/or just went away when I had my son. Especially with my single friends. That I can understand....to a degree though. I would not be honest if I did not say that I had a teeny-tiny bit of resentment with some friends over that one.

I guess the best way I can define a true friendship is by this quote: "those who mind, don't matter. And those that matter, don't mind"

I have no idea who said that, but I think it rings very true.

~Meg

[The Redhead Riter]

I have to agree with Cara that true friendship is only proven after an extended length of time. After the "newness" of a relationship wears off, if the person is really your friend, they care for you even more. It is easy to say, "Hey, yeah, we're friends." But when you are crying or depressed and you can't hardly handle life, does your "friend" still stop by to see you and call and try to think of things to make your day better? Are they there to pray with you and wipe your tears and tell you that everything is going to be okay? If you can say "yes" to these questions, then you have a friend indeed and you should hand onto them because those kind of sincere, compassionate, giving people are hard to find.

[Lani]

I agree with everyone's comments 100%. Time, loyalty, and quality are influential factors in a true friendship. I was just having a discussion with my husband this weekend about friendship and he had read somewhere that you generally shift friendships/social groups, every 7 years. That isn't to say that you abandon your friends after 7 years, but more so, your interests can start to change after that time frame. As a result, the friendships you have that are primarily based on "like interests/situations" will start to grow distant. So what is left? The true friendships you have with people who really understand you and need you in their lives as much as you need them.

[Frances Campbell]

I really don't have friends. My bestfriend move to florida 14yrs ago ,We said we keep in touch. If i recieved two phone calls in 6mths that was enough. It's hard to meet people that are real. From the experience that i faced with my bestfriend, friendships Is based on the length of time you've known each other. The loyalty you have for one another, and the amount of times that person has been there for you, in the good or bad times. Friendship is like a relationship. you have to work on it. So if your willing to call her and keep up with her through phone calls and vacation visits and you see that she does the same then the friendship is worth the save. I wish you all the best ..

[Juliette Calandra Ferguson]

My true friends are the ones who stick with me no matter what. I have been blessed with many friendly acquaintances, but the true friends - I can count on my hand. I guess I would describe it as someone who loves you 'no matter what'. If I had a disease, lost my legs, was burned in a fire - the friends that still were there loving me through it all - those are true.

www.MyVemma.com/Juliette_Ferguson

[Dawn Noe Matthews]

A true friend to me is a person that you can count on unconditionally. It is a special bond that does not go away. You can usually count a true friend on one hand throughout your life. True friends to me are loyal and non-judgmental. They are the person that you can laugh with and cry with. You can feel complete with your true friend. Finding your true friend can sometimes come immediately, and sometimes takes time, but you know the friendship is one that is very important.

Dawn

[Ann M Obrecht]

Wow..great discussion. I recently lost my "best friend". Not because of a tragedy other than maybe a feeling of jealousy after 4 years. She is about 7 years younger than I, which most of the issue was. I have children; she does not...and so on. She was everything I thought a true friend was until I re-evaluated when the friendship dissolved. She offered to help my family when needed, visited when I had surgery, picked me up when my car broke down..etc. The re-evaluation found that all those positives are what kept me hanging on to her friendship. I realized she was an extremely negative person. She always downed my decisions, husband, clothes, hair...etc. Now, as a friend, you can do this in a positive way and be respectful. That was NOT the case with her. She was quiet rude about things.

I can honestly say I still do not know the true meaning of friendship other than giving 100% just like any relationship. RESPECT is at the top of requirements for my friends. I do happen to have some wonderful friends who do those same things she used to along with saying nice things and not hurting my feelings.

How do you explain this to children? Having 4 boys and hearing on a daily basis a "new" best friends name, I just tell them what I was told. You are lucky to actually count “true” friends on one hand in a lifetime.

[Kim]

Someone who you can not speak to for months and when you do it's like you spoke yesterday.

[Shanon Lee]

A true friend is the one that will evolve with you as you go through your life journey. A few years back, I was so heartbroken when I "lost" the friendships of some women that were dear to me after I remarried. I remarried after I'd been divorced for 10 years and they were all single, or single Moms. I don't feel that I changed, but I felt as if their view of me changed almost immediately. We'd shared our missteps in love, broken engagements and other heartbreaks, but it's almost as if they didn't feel like they could relate to me as someone's wife. I remember my Mom telling me that my friends in high school would most likely NOT be the friends I had in adulthood, but I wasn't prepared to lose friendships due to marriage. No one really talks about that. Later, I would have many conversations with other women who'd experienced the same thing. It's unfortunate, but if you cannot grow into your friendship - it isn't true.

[Patricia Miller]

I Define A True Friend As Someone Who Is Always There 4 U Through Thick & Thin Regardless If They R N The Same Town/State W/U Or Not,But Unfortunely That Isn't The Case W/Me Because My True Blue Friends & I Lost Touch After High School,But Every Once & A While I Am Able To Send Emails 2 Some Of My High School Friends Through Classmates.com,So N The End It Worked Out 4 Me & That Makes Me Happy!!!! (:

[Heather Tucker]

I think a true friend is someone who sticks with you and whom you stick with through thick and thing. You are there for each other no matter what